mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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