If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
