I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
soo... how was my night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
