You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
