i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
