it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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