Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
why is half of my head shaved?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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