We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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