She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
