smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
