That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
