Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how can u be prego again
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
