she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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