just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
