We're like a lot better than the average bears
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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