Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sarcasm needs its own font
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
