shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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