im drinking this country out of the recession.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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