i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am one with the molecules
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
