You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
