it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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