STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
