Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
