If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This is not my ceiling
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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