I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
