I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
