I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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