I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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