forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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