If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
