The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
