Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
