you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
