At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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