he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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