his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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