Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
