At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
