then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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