ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
