Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
