I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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