I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
