Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
