please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
