i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
