Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
