There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
