wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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