Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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