Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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