Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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