Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
